Now, writing blind and trying to use the same tools as other writers take for granted is very frustrating. Not only must I rely heavily on a sighted editor to repair the blind guy’s mistakes, but depend solely on the kindness of sighted friends to do the actual publishing of all of my manuscripts into books. It’s frustrating, knowing I am perfectly capable of uploading my manuscripts to Amazon’s site myself and yet, I am forced to rely on the kindness of friends to do for me at their convenience. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for any and all help, but what is a blind person to do? I must rely on the kindness of others to further my career as a publishing author. Now, if I was James Patterson with all of his money, I could easily reach the bestseller’s list, but what would be the fun in that. There would be no blood, sweat, or tears in achieving my goals; thus no satisfaction in reaching that particular goal.
You will only hear me say this once; I hope I never win the lottery. The reason is simple. If I had enough money to make all of my dreams come true, then what would I have to dream about? There would be nothing to fill my thoughts on those nights I can’t sleep or have nothing better to do while waiting for a taxi or twiddling my thumbs at the doctor’s office.
Nevertheless, I play the lottery every week, religiously. Meanwhile, I struggle to force myself to be patient as my thoughtful friends do their own thing.
What it is I’m really bitching about stems from my independent nature. Growing up, my father taught me to be self reliant and as a Scout, that helped to reinforce that notion. However, to be blind forces me to act against my very own nature. It’s so hard to do it, as it is to live with it.
I truly believe God put me back into this world in this particular body to teach me, or rather to force me to practice the act of patience. Unfortunately, he placed me in a body with a hard head. This head is so hard that repeated banging against the proverbial wall affords me no more insight or any patience.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. I have had the opportunities to do things and achieve dreams, and to do it my way; just like Old Blue Eyes had sung it. And to hell with what anybody says! Because I did it my way.